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The Girl
Where did the girl go
Who cried when she got a bruise
Cried when hair got pulled
Cried when hurt by you.
Cried when she had to hide
Cried when she got some pride
Cried when she saw she was dead inside.
Cried when you avoided her eyes-
Cried when that was no surprise.
Cried
Cried
Cried ...
Where did the girl go
Who always came crawling back
Who always cut you some slack
Always
Always
Always ...
Where did the girl go
Who was your stepping ladder
Who was your mad hatter
Who made your life better
Where
Where
Where ...
Where did she go
What did she do
When she died: where the fuck were you?
Finding yourself- I think not-
Unless finding yourself
Involves leaving friends to rot.
Finding yourself- she won't hold your hand
She'll not lead you to water
and force you to drink.
She'll not give you food
when you won't eat.
She'll not raise your ego
by bowing down to you.
She'll not
She'll not
She'll not ...
Where did the girl go
That you once knew
The one who'd come back
No matter what you'd do.
Where did the girl go
Go
Go
Go ...
The girl you once knew
Who'd cry from a bruise
Died and is gone:
So far, so long.
The girl who stays
Will not be your slave
To make sure the world pays.
The girl who stays
Will stand strong with honour.
The girl who stays
Doesn't need you to build her,
Break her,
Make her,
Then take her.
The girl who stays ...
You won't break her:
You're no longer her master.
You can't make her:
Only she created herself.
You can't take her:
She's not yours to have-
You lost that right
On all those nights she cried-
No answer-
And died.
A New Day
Off in the distance
A chime has rung-
sweet sound reverberating
through the air
like a peaceful
tuning fork
for life-
And water runs
to cleanse my body
of unknown sins
I am surely committing.
And so...
the day begins.
The Poet
The poet sits: alone,
unknown;
in a world that passes her by.
Her heart knows no bounds,
for no bound have been tried,
except for the dark places
she tries to hide.
Dark places with their own
little parts that live inside
of her heart.
Little places to make a paradox:
love and hate.
Hate had flown black
through her veins before.
She held some to faith,
but when broken,
will not turn the other cheek.
But the lighter partner
has yet to dance with her soul
in light smiles and thoughts.
There was a time,
when her heart thought it
knew love.
This time came once,
then came around once more,
then stopped dead- never existing.
"This is my fate"
the poet's heart thought
as she walked on along her path,
"I guess so"
the poet agreed,
silently declaring the failure
was her fault.
Lilith as a Man
An angel fell from First Heaven
to land on foreign ground:
his wings tattered,
his life shattered,
and no one was around.
The angel crawls into a shell
to escape the empty world:
his cold nights alone,
his pain unknown,
and no one is around.
This angel cries inside himself
to drown his entire world:
it seems it wasn't Eve, but him
who birthed the Great Sin.
Demon Star
It’s a cold, crisp night
And stars will shine ever brighter
As your smile outshines their glow.
Fireflies fly into the air-
off into the distance, they go.
You and I saw the sun go down,
And it was beaten by your grin
to have it’s brother stars fall before you.
I am like Sun and Stars- always falling.
I could shoot across the dark night skies.
Yet, that which shoots across the sky is a star,
And that I am not-
That place is for you to hold as you
Shine brightly with your elegant glow-
Outshining all your star family.
Are you even a star?
I think not.
No star could shine as brightly.
Then, are you Venus?
Venus is not a star but
A planet which outshines all.
Are you Venus?
Venus with long blonde tresses- the panicle of
Greek perfection?
No, that you are not.
Nor are you any David.
You wear no Greek mask to hide your face.
You posses no womanly locks.
You have no curves that rival elegant vases.
You are more than all that…
You’re real – no hidden truth.
You’re red hair rivals flames before your shoulder
And, curves, your form is not feminine.
But you are more than a work of art.
You step into the world-
A self-declared demon,
A creature who could once have been an angel-
With fiery hair and equally singeing tongue.
You stand with a pride,
But fall to your own.
You don’t want others close…
Yet, I will face the flames;
Feel no pain from burns;
Go with you to Hell and back.
The danger…
I’ve been warned…
Is great like that of handling snakes.
But I will take the poison with a smile.
[あなたの大切な海]
as each day passes,
you and I drift more aimlessly
in our small vessels.
we sail down the endless sea
with its mask of calm-
pretending nothing's wrong
when
it's obvious-
monsters lurk below the surface.
yesterday,
you and I took string
and tied our vessels together-
if a storm came, we were ready.
but the hours of the day have
worn away at the string,
and pirates came to sever
the once precious ties.
I reached for the pieces,
to tie them back together,
but gold and glory called you to the pirate's side.
so you didn't try to tie the pieces,
and I was left to drift alone.
alone,
I clutch knees to chest as I feel my vessel
sink-
your pirates couldn't leave me unscathed.
the waters rise above my neck,
drag me to the bottom
to keep me as a permanent possession-
like a caged bird
whose song you don't hear.
my melody is now foreign
to your once eager ear.
for now you have been made a pirate
and you don't need what I have here.
this bird opens its mouth
only to choke on water
that was once safe to tread.
water that was once home to our vessels,
home to our songs, out melodies.
but it's no longer ours-
it's yours and theirs,
and I must find someone to rescue me from drowning.
Thank you
There's no escape - no way out -
It's wherever I am.
There's no escape - no way out -
It's always in my shadow.
There's no escape - no way out -
It's not there to say it's all okay...
It's not there to say it's all okay...
Because you make it this way.
There's no escaping this entity -
no vaccine for this deadly disease,
that tries to worm its way inside of me -
tries to suffocate till I can't breathe.
I'd like to thank you,
for all that you've done.
I'd like to thank you,
for all that you've harmed.
And whatever you do:
don't change, don't change -
You like the way you are.
I'd like to thank you,
for all the tears.
I'd like to thank you,
for newly found fears.
And whatever you do:
don't change, don't change -
You like the way you are.
There's no escape - no way out -
You're wherever I am.
There's no escape - no way out -
You're always in my shadow.
There's no escape - no way out -
You're not there to say it's all okay...
You're not there to say it's all okay...
Because you make it this way.
Because you like the way you are.
Heaven
closing my eyes each night,
I separate myself from the world,
and grow wings I've longed to have,
hold things I've longed to hold.
a smile finds its way to my face -
I unfurl my wings for take off -
then I jump from the window of my room.
the clouds greet me as I enter the sky,
they caress my face with moist hands on my way to Heaven.
but will I reach heaven?
*never wake me from my sleep.
Heaven is where I want to be.
a world where I can fly free,
to be things I've longed to be,
to see the things I've longed to see.
wings can only take you so far in sleep,
till the real world creeps back in -
wings can only take you some places as you sleep
till the real world creeps back in.
opening my eyes each morning,
I see the world I tried to escape,
feel for the wings I've longed to have,
I grasp for what I've longed to hold.
a mother greets me as I enter this world,
she caress my face with warm hands on my way to reality.
*never wake me from my sleep.
Heaven is where I want to be.
a world where I can fly free,
to be things I've longed to be,
to see the things I've longed to see.
wings can only take you so far in sleep,
till the real world creeps back in -
wings can only take you some places as you sleep
till the real world creeps back in.
do any of us reach this Heaven?
or can heaven exist here... ?
Change of Heart
The heart seems to change
After a while.
It neednt be any long length
But - one single moment
In which all dreams crumble
Before amazed eyes
That can but watch the scene
And cry tears - aquamarine.
This can be but
A moment of shock
When it comes to be.
It cannot be denied when Words
Are on a page which states its
Truth.
(There is no pushing away in Hopes
It won't stay.)
There is no wishing it not true
When what's real lies before you.
You wonder if what happened
Was all a dream.
You know you've never belonged,
Never felt love before,
Never known this feeling in your
Crushed heart,
But did you deserve This?
Perhaps it's your fault.
You weren't good enough.
You never stop loving:
Words from his mouth and Times spent.
But, were they anything at all?
Were they so small - so trivial and
Easily forgotten -
That before the hot bed cooled,
My heart was already ruled?
The heart seemed to change,
My beautiful King,
But I still wish to be under
Your wing.
Not a Word
quiet,
I never make a peep.
I don't shove myself into people,
don't say, "Hey, listen to me!"
I stand,
quiet.
I think that people will notice me
standing there by the piano
quietly,
politely waiting,
hoping ill be called on to speak.
I stand there with hands shaking nervously,
my mind searching for words to say
to someone famous,
someone the world knows,
someone I've never seen before,
some woman I loved see perform,
some woman that changed the way I thought about poetry
in just about an hour's time.
I never make a peep,
quietly I wait while she talks to
another girl who takes time away
who doesn't seem to notice me
waiting to show this famous woman
a small poem I wrote
about my sister.
neither notice,
I begin to ask if I'm somehow invisible.
invisibility was great to want when I was young
and playing RPGs,
but it's not like that now.
I want to be visible.
I want that famous woman to look at me and say,
"yes, Beautiful?"
I want that other girl who's taking time
to go away,
I've heard enough so no more need be said.
the girl finishes,
another comes up in front of me,
"can I have your phone number?
my sister's into this stuff too."
I'm waiting again,
being polite,
being quiet,
not making a peep.
time's almost up for any chance,
I'm about to go up to her,
I've got all I want to say figured out in my mind.
"that was just great!"
I'd say that and show her my poem
written out for a class assignment
from the heart,
my heart.
the famous woman takes her bag over her shoulder
looking like she's leaving.
my mind whirls,
I had gotten strength to go up to her
only to be ignored.
I want to cry,
I want to say,
"hey! you! I wanted to show you my poem!"
never would I say this,
it's only in my mind.
I want to drop down to the floor,
or go running home to Mom,
or find a friend who's wandering the halls,
or just to be invisible -
it's my constant dilemma.
I don't want to be invisible
yet I always end up being just that,
being that to everyone whom I can't shake,
force to listen to me,
or put on the spot.
I wanted to cry,
not yell out nor scream.
I want to shed a river of tears that the famous woman
would see making rivers down my face,
that make my eyes red.
I want to make her feel bad about ignoring me,
I want the girls to feel bad about standing in my way,
I want all of them to ask me for forgiveness.
I am no goddess,
I am no god,
I am human.
give me respect,
I am here for you to speak to
but that you ignore.
I wanted you to be someone to change my life
yet you just walk away from me
to go perform like any other famous person.
you're just another musician,
another Michael Jackson that ignores the fans.
I may be able to breathe your air,
but you don't notice I am.
go drink your water,
go speak your slam,
but ill remember how we never spoke.
it might have been my fault
that I never am rude, never get in anyone's face,
never am as assertive as some other girls.
it might have been my fault that you ignored me
like I was invisible.
I can't help thinking that I really was invisible.
your brown eyes never met mine,
you never smiled at me,
you never said,
"sorry, Honey. I'd love to read your poem but
I've got to go."
simple words
would have made this all better.
Snowflake
I stood a while,
Hands in pockets
And coat held close,
(Attempts to keep out cold.)
Watching the sky.
I stood a while
Watching the sky,
When through my hair
And past my eye
A small white flake
Flew by.
It danced about the air,
And passed through woven branches.
All,
Seemingly,
Without care.
I stood a while
Watching that tiny bit of white
And wondered what it thought,
If snow could think,
Of it's falling.
Does it feel the bitter cold
Nipping at its nose?
Will it ever know its icy siblings?
I stood a while
And thought a while
Until ideas came.
The tiny flake of white
That passes me on this night
Bounces about,
No direction,
As if it knows not where to go.
It's mind, a flurry of puzzle pieces
Strewn about with no sense.
I wonder if it knows its fate
To land,
To melt,
To be no more.
But I must say,
It cannot know,
It cannot say.
I stood a while
And watched the flake,
The oh so minuscule flake,
Fall to the cold earth
And could not help wondering:
Is this all?
Dear Love
Dear Love,
shall we walk to the gazebo?
Walk past the ducks as they titter by?
Walk by the pond with it's green waters
that ripple as a little child tosses a pebble in?
My Love,
let us go to the gazebo holding hands
with laced fingers and smiling lips.
Let us to stand out of the sun's light
and shine so brightly on our own.
Let it be so I may just enjoy you, my love.
A Smile
I make a smile...
I make a laugh...
I make a happy thought...
Though am I anything in the end?
I've cured no pain.
I've stopped no rain.
I've held no hand.
What is this purpose of mine?
I make a mockery of myself.
Every breath,
thought,
moment
I make a mockery of my heart.
What is the purpose of a heart?
If not to feel strain,
if not to feel pain,
if not to be hated.
What is the purpose of jealousy?
Take from me
this jealousy that hounds my thoughts
that makes rocks fill my stomach
that makes oceans fill my head
that makes a fire burn in my chest.
Kill this now.
Kill this forever.
Turn a new leaf... to a new future.
A Knight's Only Friend
I wore a coat of armor-
A sign I remembered past battles
From months before.
I had it bolted together tight
no spaces,
no places for a dagger to
Slip through.
I tied it to me like a second skin,
The leather straps so taught that
I could barely breathe.
But for you a shed this all.
I let down my defenses,
Took away my iron shell.
Unbolted and loosened,
Dropped before your feet-
You saw, you knew
Who was before you.
You saw the person I'd been scared to show,
the person whom the enemies of
past battles
had dealt many a blow.
You took myself into your caring arms:
You made me soft with your siren's charms.
My skin so thin my Life could be seen below: flesh so soft,
"Oh how easily the dagger slips in!"
My armor was gone, lying on the ground,
My flesh burned with new blood,
a new battle lost.
My body still covered in scars from battles past,
"Surely this one will be your last?
You've gone so soft, you've been so week,
There's no way, you'll not come back to me."
But you'd seen it yourself:
I unbolted the metal shackles
That held me before,
No way was I to be bound once more.
So I rose to my feet,
and nodding my head,
Walked from the scene:
my armor- my friend.
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